There are fireworks. Beautiful multi colored sparks shooting across a black background. I have no idea if this is normal or not but this ‘light show’ has always preceded my descent into slumber. It’s actually a pretty cool bonus feature before going to sleep. Lately though, when I close my eyes, while there might be a burst or fizzle or two complete darkness descents faster than usual. Probably because when sleep finds me these days I’ve been looking for it long and hard and we both get right to work creating a few minutes or hours of sweet rest.
In a few short minutes when today becomes tomorrow, the 26th of June I will officially be 29 years old. One year away from the big three-zero. Typically I approach birthdays with a mild feeling of regret, some frustration and a sense of urgency. The feeling that life, and more importantly the precious years of my “being young” are slipping away through my fingers while I fumble around making mistakes, losing ground and trying to figure out how to be a productive human being. This birthday is different. While I have by no means or measure ‘arrived’ at the pinnacle of what I hope my life’s work and accomplishments are there is a sense of peace and satisfaction…contentment.
Sometimes in the middle of a long day I’ll close my eyes to day-dream and give my brain a break from visual stimulation. Day-dreams include mental images of a sweet baby boy in my womb who is learning to tap-dance already, a curly golden haired girl learning everything she can about life, details of a dream property that exists only in our dreams and plans for the future and a myriad of other blessings in my life. The ones already in our reach and the ones we are looking forward to all mixed together in a jumble of smile-inducing-happinessess. Stress and fatigue, the beasts always lurking at the sidelines of our goal driven, busy, full-to-overflowing life fade into oblivion when I take the time to bask in the simple treasures God has blessed us with.
If getting older means adding depth to the life perspectives I’ve gained over the past few years all I can say is bring it on! I used to think life accomplishments and the resulting satisfaction could be measured in items struck off a bucket list, or accomplishing those great goals and tasks in life. While those all have their place (I still plan on finishing that book, or two or three, one of these days) my fufillment and satisfaction in life has unexpectedly come from other places. Unexpected to this rather driven and goal oriented individual that is. The sweetly expressed and unconditional love of a noble, honorable and amazing man…the soft kisses and heart-felt “I love you’s” from the cupid bow mouth of a child…the simple fellowship of spending time with friends over good food…laughter and joy shared with others…The interactive kicks and pummels of our child from within… These things are the highlights of my life and if I never manage to accomplish anything else noteworthy in the eyes of the world (or off of my personal grand life to-do list) I will still be a happy and fully satisfied woman.
Tomorrow promises to be full to the brim of the things I love most…Simple unadorned worship, heart-felt singing, fellowship with friends, wading and paddling around a rock bottomed creek to cool off from the hot afternoon, playing with sweet cheeked children and did I mention delicious food? Gluten Free Pancakes with fresh blueberries, homemade blueberry syrup and maple syrup with cultured grass-fed butter, free range sausage and bacon, spicy brown rice, roast and a salad just to name a few foodie-heart-thrilling items. There could not be a more perfect way for me to celebrate turning another year older.
Hope your day is filled with the sweet blessings of love and fellowship with family and friends.
Another year older and hopefully a smidgen or two wiser and a pinch and a half more grateful,
Stephanie, I just looked at your blog today for the first time! I read your March 3 post and I am amazed that you are able to care for your family, run a business and even update this blog! I’ll be praying for you and your son!