As some of you know TheMan and I have been pursuing adoption for the past few months. About a week ago we were made aware of a situation involving a baby that would need a home.  Things have moved fast and we are leaving in a couple of hours to the airport to fly to CA.  The baby is due by C-section on June 22nd.

The unknowns in this situation are staggering. The cost(s) are adding up rapidly. This hasn’t been something that we have had the luxury of weeks or months to prepare for.

To be honest this scares me. I like plans. I need plans. Everything I do has an itemized structure to it with a beginning, middle and end. I make lists. Lots of lists. Lists are my friends. Lists pick up where my bad memory leaves off.

This wasn’t the plan. The plan was for an adoption to take a long time. To finally get that homestudy we’ve been working our way through. Wait weeks and months to be picked out among other waiting families by a Birth Mom. Prepare and countdown the months until the baby is born. Trust God to provide the rather large sum of money it was going to take to do an official agency adoption.

That is a pretty safe plan. A lot of buffers. A lot of time to process. And make lists. Lot’s of lists. And be ready.  Although that official process doesn’t come with anymore of a guarantee than any other form of adoption, there are safety measures. A lot of counseling provided to the Birth Mom. A lot of effort put into her and the babies health as much as possible. Loving Christian Foster families to take care of the baby for that oh so terrifying period of time that the Birth Mom can decide to revoke her decision to allow someone else to raise her child. The Agency encouraged us to take advantage of every single one of these “less painful” processes.

I thought that was a great idea for the most part. It made sense. It felt safe.

This isn’t safe. It is about as risky as an adoption get’s. And there is no time. No buffers.

Yet. There is peace. Confident peace. Doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t add up. I’m defininitely swimming waaaaaay outside of my comfort zone in every respect in regards to how this is happening.

But it’s Ok.

And not because I believe it’s all going to be a bed of roses and work out exactly like we want it to.

It’s Ok because we are doing what we need to do.

What we are supposed to do.

And the peace that passes comprehension, understanding and categorization is there.

It’s like a stillness in the midst of chaos.

Tranquility in a traffic jam. Happiness in pain. Calm in a storm.

So we go. We hope to be able to meet with the Birth Mother. I’m asking God to do that for us. It doesn’t feel right to ask or expect any Mom to give her baby to people she’s never met. I want her to see the love we have. I want her to know it’s there. I don’t want there to ever be a hint of a question in her mind that her baby is being taken care of.

We hope that she decides to allow us to have the honor of loving, caring for, training and watching this baby grow up into an adult. We hope the Birth Mom decides to allow us to be there at the hospital so we can hold her right away and learn to care for her from the very beginning. We (selfishly) hope that she waives her right to 30 days in which to change her mind after giving the baby to us. We hope our hearts are spared the pain of loving and then letting go. We hope a lot of things. We are guaranteed none of them.

And that’s Ok.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.