Child-Guilt

Blossoms

Blossoms

There is something called Survivors Guilt that happens sometimes in individuals who have gone through a traumatic experience and lost a loved one. It can happen in war with fellow soldiers watching their comrades die and it can happen in purely civilian situations as well. For example I had a friend who had an intense and (as she freely acknowledged) irrational guilt for surviving a car wreck in which her Grandmother was killed.

Church

Church

I am not a psychologist. I have not read any professionally written literature or studies addressing the phenomenon I am about to talk about. And, maybe it’s not a big deal at all. Actually in the grand scheme of things I’m pretty sure it’s not a big deal. But it is something I have personally experienced and it’s something a couple of women have shared with me that they too have struggled with. Writing is a therapeutic way for me to process and hopefully better understand.

Among the many wonderful women I have the honor of calling friends there have been what seems like a longer than it should be list of us who have lost babies and others, who are unable to carry children or in some cases conceive at all. It has been an indescribable blessing to experience the love, listening ears, unconditional and heart-felt empathy, sympathy and encouragement among us as we have each dealt with the struggles and challenges of whatever our particular issue has been. We rejoice with those who are able to rejoice at the end of a long struggle, we grieve with those who are grieving the losses of both the children so tiny they cannot yet be seen to losing a child that they have held and loved.

Sometimes in the midst of one friends grief another one experiences the joy of a healthy, alive baby at the end of their pregnancy.  I think it is wonderful that women who are in these active “grief stages” of loss are feeling free to openly share their emotions even to the point of how the very joy their friend is experiencing is a source of pain as it is too sharp of a reminder of what they have just lost. This is normal. It’s honest. It’s healthy. In previous generations I don’t think there was as much of a freedom to express this aspect of grief and there was perhaps some sort of an unspoken code against being anything but unabashedly happy for others even in the midst of your own sharp loss or long standing weary heart-ache.

As a result of this open communication we have learned how to be more sensitive, kind and caring to those who are grieving. Those who are struggling. Those who are trying and tired of trying. To those who long deeper than they have words to say to hold a child and call it their own.

This increased  awareness has led to more than *just* a higher level of sensitivity and care to women who are struggling and grieving though. There seems to be something on the rise amongst women who effortlessly have complication free children, as many as they want. It seems like it is something akin to “survivors guilt” I have seen comments along the lines of “I love my kids and I know there are people who would give their right arm to have even one child but I am at the end of my rope today with them and would give just about anything for some peace and alone time” shortly followed by an “I am so sorry, I really am grateful for my kids. I have no right to feel this way.” And there is where the problem lies. it IS Ok for them to feel that way. It’s ok that they find where they are in life bigger and more overwhelming and staggering and hard. It’s Ok that they struggle emotionally through the baby and young child raising days.Yet, increasingly it is becoming something that many Mom’s do not feel the freedom or right to express for fear of not properly appreciating the children they have in light of the knowledge of a friends grief and hearts desires.

Women who are struggling with acute stages of grief may find honesty from exhausted Mom’s in the real life trenches of day in and day out childcare duty hurtful. It is tempting to think (and in some cases actually say) “Oh if only *I* were able to have a child (or another baby) I would be so grateful I wouldn’t get mad over something so stupid as spilled cereal all over the floor. Seriously she has no idea how grateful she should be to just have a child to clean up after” While this reaction is completely understandable I think perhaps there is temptation to not extend a similar grace and understanding to women who are experiencing their own different burdens, trials and acute struggles that we might feel justified and entitled to by our losses or disappointed hopes and expectations. It’s so easy and so tempting to think when struggles and challenges of motherhood are shared “Aren’t you lucky to have that set of problems. I’d give anything for those” The truth is that a struggle is a struggle. Exhaustion is exhaustion and emotional desires whether it be for a child to call your own or for one more ounce of patience to dole out to an excessively challenging offspring are equally challenging.

Having encouragement, grace to give to the exhausted and overwhelmed woman (who may not have planned expected or necessarily wanted 4 children in 4 years but who now may be guilted into feeling as though she is a failure if she doesn’t demonstrate excessive gratefulness for them all the time) is every bit as vital a part of our responsibility to each other in friendship as being sensitive and encouraging is to the women struggling with infertility.

I am so grateful for friends who love through thick and thin and through all the stages of life and  journey’s God is bringing us all on. As a woman who has experienced both the sharp pain of repeated losses, the wonderings and pleadings with God to be able to carry a child to term and now also deep in the throes of full time motherhood to young children while trying to juggle a job and business responsibilities I feel as though I have been given the opportunity to see the other side of a coin that I used to long for. I miss the moments of solitude. I am grateful with everything in me for our two beautiful children. There is not one day or one night that I take them for granted. But I get weary. Oh so weary. The challenges are bigger than anticipated and the tangible payoffs (at least in these young stages) less than hoped for. The fact that I find struggles to overcome at this phase of life does not negate my appreciation or joy our children bring to my life.

I just wish I had this perspective back when the pang of envy and thoughts of reproach would encroach upon my thoughts towards friends who were deep in the trenches of motherhood and daring to be honest about it. Now I’m grateful to them for being honest. For helping me not to romanticize what the reality of raising children entails. For not protecting me from their real lives just because I was currently childless.

My hope is that as a culture we can continue to grow and be sensitive to both sides of this “chasm” of different stages and pain points in life. We are all in need of love and encouragement. Thank you to all my friends in all stages of life who have been so unconditionally loving and encouraging to me through the years. It is a luxury many women never get to experience and makes me all the more grateful for you. :)

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Stop breastfeeding because it’s….too effective?

A friend linked me to an article written by a well known alternative health “educator” I use quotes because this particular gentleman does a certain amount of fear mongering in a rather deliberate way as part of his very successfully monetizing marketing campaign. Fear for sales is not something I am a fan of. Reading his article I couldn’t help but think that this was like many other articles I have read of his…overblown with conclusions drawn that were a stretch at best. To satisfy my curiosity about whether or not researchers had actually gone on record suggesting what he said was suggested I went digging for source materials.

Interestingly enough in his “sources” he did not link to the actual source of the information from which he wrote such a disturbing article, which is a fascinating study performed by several researchers at the National Centers for Immunization and Respiratory Disease, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention which is part of what we commonly know as the CDC. The title of this study is Inhibitory effect of breast milk on infectivity of live oral rotavirus vaccines Or, in plain English: Why breast-milk would make live oral rotavirus vaccines ineffective or less effective.

The abstract of this study can be read here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20442687

The study begins with a statement about how the Rotavirus vaccine has proven less effective among children in poor developing countries compared with middle income and industrialized countries for reasons that are not yet completely understood. The scope of the study was to determine whether the neutralizing activity of breast milk could lower the titer of vaccine virus and explain this difference in vitro.

Just incase you are wondering here’s the definition of in vitro:  In vitro comes from the Latin term “in glass” and refers to studies of biological properties that are done in a test tube (i.e. under glass) rather than in a human or animal. As opposed to in vivo (“in life”) studies which are done inside an organism. In vitro studies allow scientists to isolate specific cells, bacteria, and viruses and study them without the distractions of having to look at a whole organism.

With that clarified we’ll move onto the next section which is the methods used for the study.

Breast milk samples were collected from mothers who were breast-feeding infants 4 to 29 weeks of age (ie, vaccine eligible age) in India (N = 40), Vietnam (N = 77), South Korea (N = 34), and the United States (N = 51). We examined breast milk for rotavirus-specific IgA and neutralizing activity against 3 rotavirus vaccine strains-RV1, RV5 G1, and 116E using enzyme immunoassays. The inhibitory effect of breast milk on RV1 was further examined by a plaque reduction assay

IgA can be read about in all it’s geeky detailed glory by clicking the name.

Now onto the part that I found the most fascinating.

Breast milk from Indian women had the highest IgA and neutralizing titers against all 3 vaccine strains, while lower but comparable median IgA and neutralizing titers were detected in breast milk from Korean and Vietnamese women, and the lowest titers were seen in American women. Neutralizing activity was greatest against the 2 vaccine strains of human origin, RV1 and 116E. This neutralizing activity in one half of the breast milk specimens from Indian women could reduce the effective titer of RV1 by ∼2 logs, of 116E by 1.5 logs, and RV5 G1 strain by ∼1 log more than that of breast milk from American women.

Now, the researchers do not venture a speculation as to why this antibody action would be so much less in American women as compared to the breast milk of women from other countries. My best guess would be that it pertains to our deplorable nutrient deficient SAD diets. The lack of nutrients means a lack of reserves for a woman’s body to use to create these immune beneficial properties to then pass along to an infant via breast-milk. How’s that for motivation and encouragement to eat nutrient dense foods while we are nursing eh Mamas?

And now for the part that had my jaw hitting the floor and a feeling of incredulity washing over me.

The lower immunogenicity and efficacy of rotavirus vaccines in poor developing countries could be explained, in part, by higher titers of IgA and neutralizing activity in breast milk consumed by their infants at the time of immunization that could effectively reduce the potency of the vaccine. Strategies to overcome this negative effect, such as delaying breast-feeding at the time of immunization, should be evaluated.

Allow me a bit of incredulous reaction. We are speaking of specifically poor, developing countries. One of the things about poor countries is that well…they are poor. Poor means they don’t have much money or access to heavily refined products. Products like oh, let’s say formula for example. Most women in poor countries can neither access or afford high quality infant formula. When the researchers suggest the possibility of delaying breast-feeding at the time of immunization are they suggesting perhaps that a baby be forced to “fast” for a matter of hours during the time of the administration of the vaccine? Or for a matter of days without access to breast milk to assure the vaccines greatest opportunity to work? If it is a matter of hours you run into the potential of lactating mothers becoming engorged. Unlike their industrial country counterparts women from poor un developed countries do not have easy or affordable access to such conveniences as breast pumps. If it is a matter of days they are suggesting a lactating woman to simply “take a break” from nursing and a) find alternate means of nourishment for her baby and b) managed to maintain her milk supply without becoming engorged or having her supply disappear due to lack of demand seems utterly ludicrous to me.

As it is commonly asserted by leading immunologists infants do not have much if any immune system of their own before they are a year old. I talk about that in this post. It seems as though something these researchers are suggesting is that they think it might be a viable and perhaps even healthier choice to restrict an infants access to the nourishment that is providing it’s sole source of immunity in order to give it a live vaccine that works by stimulating the immune system. Am I the only one that sees this experiment ending with a lot of sick babies? It’s like Ok, let’s take away the one thing that is protecting these infants, perhaps a little too well, to the point that it’s messing up our standard protocol of vaccinations, and introduce a live disease element to their young bodies and expect this to provide optimal health to these children. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

I for one hope their desired followup ideas are not explored. Sounds like a miserable thing to do to nursing Mamas and Babies at best and potentially catastrophic at worst for the ‘subjects’ submitted to follow up testing.

But my takeaway point isn’t that some group of scientists that seem oblivious to the logistics involved in the real world want to try something out that seems futile…It’s the suggestion and reminder from the data that came back in the study that American’s women’s immunity they are passing to their breastfed babies is not as “potent” as that of their unrefined countries counterparts. I’m off to eat a nutrient dense, whole foods breakfast and take some basic immune support supplements. My body is my babies immune system protection right now and I’m gonna start taking that responsibility a whole lot more seriously.

I’ll close with a short message from Caleb, on behalf of all nursing babies out there. “We thank you Mamas of the world for sacrificing vanity, personal comfort, convenience and at times public approval to attempt to feed us all too often ungrateful little chubby things food manufactured from your body. Eat good food!”

"Eat Good Food Mamas!"

"Eat Good Food Mamas!"

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Parenting Assumptions

We are currently staying in a wonderful condo in FL. We traveled down from our home in TN to attend our once per year Marketing meeting that is held here. The balcony of our first floor condo overlooks the one play-ground. This has of course delighted Doodlebug that she only has to walk all of 100 feet to have a playground and kids to play with at her fingertips.

As Doodlebugs Mom I sometimes find my heart aching on her behalf. She is an irrepressible friendly little extrovert who has never met a stranger. Having spent most of her young life as an only child getting to play with other children is a huge delight. Other kids often do not know what to make with the little curly headed blond bubbly creature who launches herself upon their space and play time. Her friendly advances are often turned down, sometimes in ways that hurt my Mama’s heart on her behalf. I want everybody to value the affection and friendliness she so selflessly pours out but life doesn’t work that way and learning that lesson is a painful process. Standing by and watching life teach her this lesson is by far one of the hardest parts of parenting I’ve come across to date.

This morning she ran onto the kid inhabited playground scene with a joyful exuberance and announces cheerfully “I’m here! Who wants to play with me??” The 6 or so kids on the playground, all of them 3+ years older than her glance at her like she’s some oddity and go back to whatever it is that they are doing. Unabashed she directly approaches two girls that look to be 8 and 10 years old who are playing with their dolls. “Hi! Do you want to play with me? I like your dolls. My name is Noelle” she says. They shift their eyes back and forth between them, clutch their dolls tighter and brush her off and move off to another part of the play-set. Still determined she heads over to a brother and sister pair, also quite a bit older than her. They occupy the swing set. “Hi! Can I swing with you??” she asks eagerly. “No, we just want to swing.” For the first time her little face starts to register disappointment and a little bit of hurt.

As I observe this scene happen I fight against my every instinct to go and intervene with the situation on my daughters behalf. She makes one more attempt to initiate playtime and is told by that pair of kids that she was too late and they are leaving. Still not giving up she goes back to the original two girls + dolls and this time is rather harshly rejected verbally with the girls following it up by turning their backs on her, clutching their dolls close, closing ranks and walking away from her rapidly. This time the tears come. Coming over to me she says “Mama nobody wants to play with me and they don’t like me” I felt angry at these self centered little kids who have hurt my daughter. Especially the two snotty little girls with baby-dolls. And I felt even more frustrated with their onlooking parents for not encouraging just a bit of kindness towards an admittedly younger child.

Giving her a hug I said “You know what Noelle? I like you. Wanna go swing with me?” With a big grin of relief she runs off and we play slides and swings together. Later we take a walk around the lake and come across two elderly Grandmother type figures with metal detectors. Doodles friendliness renewed she bounds over to them and asks if she can help. The next 40 minutes are spent helping the ladies dig through sand to spare their backs when the detectors begin to beep. She had grand fun. One of the ladies sweetly dropped a penny into Noelle’s hole when her back was turned so she could experience the delight of digging up “treasure”  As they made their way down the beach the two girls with Dolls make their way over to the hammocks on the lake shore.

Noelle looked up from her ‘treasure hole’ to see them. “Hey Mom! I’m gonna go over and play hammocks with those girls!” I wanted to say no. Honey, please no. They don’t like you. They are just going to make you cry again. They have no interest in playing with a kid half their age and they think you are annoying. Instead I just remind her “Make sure you *ask* to play with them first” I get a cheerful “Ok Mom!” As she bounds over. This time the Mom of the two girls suggests that her younger daughter can share a hammock with Noelle over the little girls obvious preference against it. Delightedly clambering into the hammock N proceeds to launch a verbal assault of friendliness against the older girls frigid restraint.

As we both stand there watching our girls I introduce myself to the Mom and we share the pertinent details of what states we are from and swap weather reports from our respective regions of the country. I find myself apologizing for my daughters insertion of her personage repeatedly into her daughters space and mention that she doesn’t meet a stranger. I expected a response along the lines of “Yeah it was pretty irritating to them” and instead she said “Well my daughters have the opposite problem. They have a very very hard time making friends or talking to other kids. Your daughter is the only kid here that has been nice to them”

I felt surprised and suddenly ashamed of my original assumptions and feelings about her girls. Her girls were not snotty. Or mean. They were painfully shy. Their Mom said “I told them, look! She’s half your age, I think you’ll be ok” We laughed together and joked that our daughters could stand to rub off on each other a bit. We stood there in companionable parenthood watching our daughters play together.

After about 10 minutes Noelle cheerfully bid her new friends farewell and went back to treasure hunting with her newfound Grandma-like friends.  I walked away realizing that I have a lot to learn from our precious little girl. It’s always the right thing to pour out a little more care. A little more effort. A little more grace even to people who hurt us. Who reject us. Who are flat out mean. Chances are they are hurt a lot more than their rejection stings, and even more probable that they are lonely in their hurt as well. And there is no “right age” for friendships. Young, old and in-between are all friend candidates.

Doodles and her Treasuring Hunting Gramma-friend

Doodles and her Treasuring Hunting Gramma-friend

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Infant Immune Systems and Vaccination

I promised myself I would not start another blog post talking about how long it’s been since my last post. So. This is me NOT talking about my gross negligence as a blogger-wanna-be. :P

DaMan and I spent a lot of time talking. Not nearly as much these days as in times past. We used to work together in the same house/space/office all day long in the early days of Beeyoutiful. This provided ample opportunity to talk through anything and everything. These days Beeyoutiful has it’s own building and he leaves in the morning and goes to work like most other men do while I attempt to work and keep up with the two kids at home. Now we try to make the  most of our evenings and weekends. Sometimes we sneak in the occasional IM conversation over the course of the day or touch base via texts. But, it just isn’t the same as the good ol’ hours long discussions that were once part of our daily lives.

Talking with him is one of my absolute favorite things to do. Part of the reason we both like to converse so much is that we rarely have the same opinion about anything. Well, that isn’t completely true. It would be more accurate to say that while we may hold many (even most) of the same opinions and positions on a variety of topics its safe to say that they are for almost totally different reasons. What he finds compelling and persuasive I find far fetched or dry or unappealing and on it goes. We’ve joked that on the topic of artists if you drop us into any art museum in the world we will instantly be drawn to different artists and radically different styles and wonder why on earth the other is so impressed with that uninspired work. This is why we were so elated to find a local artist that we both loved…We now have several of her canvases gracing our home. But I digress…

One of the topics that has received a lot of “air time” in our conversations both before marriage and after is the topic of immunizations. It’s such a complex topic. So heated and people are so adamant on both sides and instead of there being a strong “moderate” middle ground represented it’s mostly just confused people who don’t have any clue where to start in sifting through the literal MOUNTAINS of written material on this topic. And, once they do start sifting the conflicting assertions is enough to nearly drive a person batty.

It’s been a years long process but both of us have read and sifted. Sifted and read. Argued and debated. Shifted and re-shifted. Our opinions have changed and changed again the more we learned. It isn’t a topic I’ve ever written much about because honestly, I don’t like writing on topics that are charged with conflict. DaMan says it’s my uncontrollable inner compulsion to please everybody and there is probably more than a small amount of truth to that. But, I’ve come to the place where I feel like it is important to share what I consider to be one of the most *pivotal* points of information that every parent should know and understand when educating themselves on the topic of vaccines.

Me and Caleb

Me and Caleb

On a personal level I find the immunizations given to very tiny babies to be the most concerning of all of the generally recommended and accepted vaccination protocols. DaMan has heard me rant for years now the following or some variation of it “I just don’t understand…The very organizations that recommend these vaccine schedules and vaccine effectiveness also assert that young babies have no immune systems of their own until about a year old. It makes no sense to me how a vaccine can even work to be effective in an infants body if there is no immune system to be able to build immunity in the first place!” I have tried to find a logical explanation for why this has become accepted and strongly recommended practice by a group of experts who don’t even believe that is how an infants body works in the first place. If anybody has an explanation for this please share, I would truly like to understand.

I have been left with a gigantic question mark over this particular vaccine protocol. Today a friend posted a link to a very interesting post about this very long standing sticky point. It is written by Michael Gaeta, a holistic health activist and educator. He shares how he was recently at a conference of traditional health care practitioners and had the opportunity to give a presentation to them as well as listen to a panel discussion of medical experts later in the day. He posts a recording of a question posted to a PhD Immunologist about Infant Immune systems and Vaccines.

You can listen to it on his site here: Immunologist PhD answers Question about Infant Immunity 

His post in it’s entirely can be viewed here: Michael’s post about Dr.’s Conference

The Excerpt from the panel interview with the PhD Immunologist confirmed what I have long thought. The transcript of it is below:

Q. So the science seems fairly clear that for the first year of life, probably, that the immunization is not stimulating the kind of response we expect it to stimulate.

A. True.

Q. So what’s the rationale for continuing to do that if it’s not doing what it’s supposed to be [doing]?

A. The vaccines are given at pediatric wellness visits, and the idea is that you are training the parent to bring their child in at all the pediatric wellness visits, and that it’s only the year visit that actually is truly important. But that for most parents you are not going to get them to bring their kid in if they don’t come in at two months, four months, and six months. And so it’s actually more of a training thing.

It’s interesting, I was on the phone with [?] county public health last week, with one of their vaccine nurses. She was like, ‘Oh, you’re talking about vaccines? Make sure you tell them they have to do that year shot because the first three [the 2, 4 and 6 month shots] don’t work.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, I know.’ [laughter].

It really speaks for itself. Assuming that vaccines work as they are theorized to do (there is a certain wing of experts who say that it doesn’t in every case but that is a separate issue in the paperwork mountain) They still will.not.work. in tiny babies. If any vaccines are to be declined in a child’s life I would highly recommend you consider making it the ones administered in that first year of life. Injecting foreign substances into perfectly healthy infants is something that I find cringe worthy on a deeply personal level. My personal squeamishness aside, I just don’t get the point of it on a purely analytical level either.

Caleb and I 2 months old

Caleb and I 2 months old

If you believe vaccinating your children is the wisest course of action, and particularly feel that adhering to the CDC’s recommended schedule is important I would implore you to consider giving your infant 1 year of life to build a very healthy immune system without any vaccines at all introduced to their very young and tiny bodies. Take lots of probiotics yourself if you are breast feeding. 6 Months on up can safely be supplemented with Colostrum, Cod Liver Oil and probiotics directly. Help your baby build a very healthy gut flora and which in turn will support a very healthy immune system. The better established and healthy an infants immune system is the more effective the future vaccines will be, assuming they do indeed work as they should.

To all my fellow parents out there, the fully vaccinated, the partially vaccinated and the not vaccinated at all…A big hug of encouragement from me. It takes courage these days to choose any course of action on this topic and stick with it. There will be criticisms, threats, warnings and dire prognostications from both sides and head shaking from the two extreme positions over the compromising “middle road” stance as well. Pray for wisdom, do your due diligence in research and education and go forward confident that God will have you do what is best for your particular children. I personally believe this will look different for different families and that it *should* Every circumstance and situation is so unique there is no universal one size fits all perfect protocol to be followed.

Caleb and Billy Goat the Bear

Caleb and Billy Goat the Bear

 

 

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Insomnia = Chicken Research

So in addition to a new baby making my sleeping times sporadic I’ve had an awful case of insomnia. Nothing like being a literal walking zombie so tired your bones ache yet not being able to sleep. So, while my baby is sleeping and I’m *not* and my ability to concentrate on things I should be concentrating on is nill I fill my time with randomly selected research projects.

Tonight it was all things chicken. We really want to get a couple of hens so our kitchen scraps can go to good use. Avoiding roosters right now because our subdivison neighbors would probably be very displeased with us if a Rooster started welcoming the very early morning loudly the way they like to do.

One of my research items was to find a Soy Free grain recipe that I could make at home. It can be difficult to find soy free chicken feed and even when you can find it is usually very expensive. We hope and plan to feed our future chickens mostly on our kitchen and household scraps but occasional grain supplementation will be needed.

I came across this recipe that looks very useful. Original credit for the recipe goes to the Weston A. Price Foundation. Figured this might be helpful for other future or current chicken owners out there who would like a soy-free alternative.

Soy Free Chicken Feed

Heirloom Breed Chicken

Heirloom Breed Chicken

7 parts wheat
2 parts whole or cracked corn
2 parts kamut
1.5 parts sesame seeds
1 part hulled barley
1 part millet
1 part oat groats
1 part quinoa
1 part sunflower seeds
1/2 part flax seeds (soaked and dried)
1/2 part kelp granules
1/4 part finely ground eggs shells (make sure they’re dried/cooked first)
fraction of non-iodized salt

Has anybody ever use this recipe or any other homemade chicken feed formulation?

 

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CoQ10: The New Addition to my Day

Beeyoutiful recently added to it’s line a supplement I’ve long wanted the company to carry. We had a hard time finding a product that was ether not in a bad oil (usually soy), or made with less than desirable processing methods.  The few that we found that were high quality had also *very* high price tags. After years of looking around we finally found one that met our quality criteria as well as being reasonably affordable.

Although it is a very well known supplement in many circles I’ve been surprised at how many people have only ever heard of it but don’t really understand what it does or how it works.

First of all let’s summarize what it is exactly. CoQ10 occurs naturally within the part of our cells that are responsible for energy production. CoQ10 plays a major role in the production of adenosine triphosphate or ATP, the basic energy unit and the major energy source for the execution of a large variety of different body functions, such as muscle contraction and protein production. The human body can manufacture CoQ10 but production slows down and even halts as we get older. There are dietary sources for CoQ10…it is found in whole grains, oily fish and organ meats. This is an item that the body requires fats in order to fully utilize. This makes organ meats and fatty fish the best dietary sources of it in terms of optimal utilization. If you take it in a concentrated supplement form like what is offered via Beeyoutiful I *highly* recommend you eat it with a meal that is high in good fats or take it with a fat based supplement like Omega 3-6-9 or Cod Liver Oil.

So what situations or health issues does it help with specifically?

First of all, allow me to point out that this is one supplement that is of benefit to anybody. Especially if you are like me and do not eat enough (cough cough) or any organ meats to speak of. Because it does it’s work on a very basic cellular level it’s a tool the body will utilize in maintaining good health in addition to repairing or healing from a specific problem.

There are however some very specific health situations it is especially beneficial for.

Diabetes: CoQ10 can help control blood sugar and the possible long-term complications of diabetes, such as heart disease, high cholesterol levels and high blood pressure. Two studies have found that 100 mg of CoQ10 twice daily improved A1c levels, a measure of long-term blood sugar control.

Heart Health: One clinical study found that people who took daily CoQ10 supplements within 3 days of a heart attack were less likely to have subsequent heart attacks and chest pain. They were also less likely to die of heart disease than those who did not take the supplements. Clinical research also indicates that introducing CoQ10 prior to heart surgery, including bypass surgery and heart transplantation, can reduce damage caused by free radicals, strengthen heart function, and lower the incidence of irregular heart beat during the recovery phase.

High Blood Pressure: Several clinical studies  suggest that CoQ10 may lower blood pressure. However, it may take 4 – 12 weeks to see any change. After reviewing 12 clinical studies, researchers concluded that CoQ10 has the potential to lower systolic blood pressure by up to 17 mm Hg and diastolic blood pressure by 10 mm Hg, without significant side effects.

Parkinsons, Huntingtons and other Neurological related age associated disorders: An initial study has indicated that CoQ10 slows the disease progression in early on-set Parkinson patients. The group in the study that supplemented with the largest amount of CoQ10 (1,200 mg per day) experienced a 44% less decline in mental function, motor movement and ability to maintain normal daily activities than the placebo group. Some improvements were seen in the groups that received 300 mg and 600 mg per day but were not nearly as significant as those who received 1,200 per day. There have also been studies using CoQ10 in Huntington patients with measurable improvements noted.

Because of the way CoQ10 works within the body it is a valuable supplement for anyone who is suffering from age related mental struggles. For this same reason it is also helpful for special needs children and adults.

Take away points:

1) It’s good for everybody. From Children to the Elderly. Even if only used because of it’s powerful antioxidant properties to help the body “clean up” it’s act. It is most important to consider supplementing if the diet does not include organ meats or other foods naturally high in CoQ10.

2) Dosages vary greatly depending on what the compelling physical or dietary need is. Research to find out what dose would be ideal for you and take it accordingly.

3) Because of it’s powerful antioxidant and “clean up” actions within the body it has been shown to reduce the negative side effects of some prescription medications but also to mess with how other prescription medications are able to work. Check with your prescribing Dr. or Pharmacist before supplementing with CoQ10 if you are on prescription medications.

4) Take it with fat. Either in a meal or in a supplement form such as Evening Primrose Oil, Cod Liver Oil, Omega 3-6-9 etc. Failure to take it with a fat source will seriously impede the bodies ability to utilize it at all.

CoQ10 in Capsules from Beeyoutiful

CoQ10 in Capsules from Beeyoutiful

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Newborn Days: Thankfulness

Our Lil’ Man (permanent nick-name pending parental inspiration. Ideas and suggestions welcome!) is ten days old today. It is already hard to remember what life was like before his arrival. We are officially head over heels in love with this precious, easy going, sweet boy.

Caleb Smiling at 4 days old

Caleb Smiling at 4 days old

DaMan and I are constantly marveling at how different he is in personality already to the Doodlebug. Amazing to see how totally individualistic every baby is from birth.

In anticipation of Thanksgiving coming up in what seems like a very few days any posts that I manage to get written inbetween nursing sessions, baby cuddles and trying to restore some semblance of a new normal routine to our lives post baby shall have a theme of Thankfulness. There are so many aspects of our lives right now that fill my heart to overflowing with gratefulness.

Today I am thankful for a healthy baby born at a healthy weight despite the thyroid probems that plagued me through the pregnancy. There were so many complications he was vulnerable to that God graciously protected him from.

Looking up at Daddy at 1 week old

Looking up at Daddy at 1 week old

I am thankful for hours of sleep at a time even though he’s still very much a newborn. Who knew that some newborns sleep for several hours at a time, at NIGHT even??? Been blissfully wonderful to experience.

Sleepy eyes at 1 week old

Sleepy eyes at 1 week old

I am so thankful for a precious 4 year old big sister who bends over backwards to help with her little brother. She happily fetches water for me a dozen times a day. Runs errands all over the house for me and offers helpful suggests for her little brother. Lil’ Man is lucky to have the Doodlebug looking out for him. She’s already fiercely protective of his best interests. That she has a sibling to be part of her life has caused tears to fill my eyes more than once. There have been times that I’ve wondered if she was destined to be an only child and my heart is filled with joy that she has a sibling to share her growing up years with.

Doodlebug and Lil' Man after they met for the first time

Doodlebug and Lil' Man after they met for the first time

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He’s Here! =) Announcing Caleb Joshua Tallent

Much to our (mostly mine I’ll admit) relief Caleb Joshua decided to come join us. We had been working with the little guy ever since he officially scored the over-due label to try to convince him to come out and meet us. He seemed more than a little reluctant even going so far as to fight against whatever contractions I managed to get going by curling up in a ball towards my ribs as far away from the Exit Sign as he could get.

We managed to log more than 7 individual sessions of very-well-could-be-and-maybe-probably-is-but-maybe-not- false labor sessions over the past two weeks. All that advance work did pay off a bit. For those of you who care about such details as of Friday 70% effacement and 3 cm. Yet. No labor. The midwife ordered a bio-physical profile + stress test to make sure Caleb was still going good inside just in case he decided to stay put a few more days.  On Monday we went to the hospital to do that and then to the midwife. 90% effacement and up to 5 cm dilation during contractions. At the visit we discussed induction options. An herbal protocol was decided on for a variety of reasons and we drove the hour home from the birth center.

I began having heavier contractions on the way home. But what was new about that?? We’d done this more than a half a dozen times before.  This time though they felt…different somehow and in an hours time I went from sending DaMan and the Doodlebug off to play basketball to saying that maybe they should stick around. Another hour or so had me texting my labor support staff a tentative “I think this might very well be it…” One of my dearest friends was going to drive 3 hrs to be help and support at my birth and I vacillated back and forth about calling her out when it could be so very easily yet another false alarm. She listened to what was going on and decided to brave the drive. Around 8 or 9 PM a collection of our labor support team had arrived at the house…aaaand the oh so convincing contractions that caused me to send the summons began to disappear. Typical. Classic. Oh so frustrating. I continued taking the herbal tinctures per the protocols instructions but inside I was upset because in spite of the strength of the contractions, they were following the all too familiar pattern of getting further and further apart.

Around midnight I reluctantly dispersed everybody to go sleep and we made a plan to be at the Birth Center the next morning to attempt more induction options. The reason for the rush and urgency to get him here was due to the Birth Centers strict no-deliveries post 42 week policy.  Around 1 AM on what was now Nov. 1st I decided I might as well try to get some sleep inbetween the now very far apart contractions myself. I laid down and woke up to the indignant, groggy and still mostly asleep thought that I was NOT on a water park ride why on earth did the water splash in and get my PJ’s wet?? It took me a few minutes to wake up enough to realize that my water had broken. After I got everything cleaned up I woke Steve up and told him what had happened and informed him that since contractions appeared to be totally gone my plan was to go back to bed and sleep until they decided to show up again. I had begun to violently shake and he cuddled up next to me. This was right around 1:30am. I thought at first the shaking was entirely due to cold, and maybe it partly was, but then I realized it must be hormonal or something. The shaking continued somewhat abated, and then three back to back contractions hit at once. “We’d better head to the Birth Center now” I told him.

Texting of labor support began and the last minute items were grabbed on the way out the door to the Birth Center. It is a bit over an hour drive to the Birth Center and things got progressively more intense on the way over. Definitely not the most fun way to labor…in a vehicle on curving roads. Still, it was all very manageable and I employed the deep breathing and relaxation techniques that were so helpful to me with the Doodlebug’s Birth. Arriving at the Birth Center just after 3 AM, the midwife ascertained that we were now at a solid 5.5-6 cm and 100% effaced. Yay. We were on our way, but seemed to have a lot of work ahead of us.

Mentally I prepared for several more hours of gradual progression and secretly hoped we would have a baby by 9 AM, but feared it would be more like noon. In between the three min. apart contractions I was able to talk, laugh and interact with everybody. Inside though I began to really long for that birth tub. After what felt like ages, but was only about 30 minutes, the checks were done, the tub was filled, and I gratefully sank into it. Relaxing completely is so much easier when you are able to completely float. The tub was such a relief and I settled in for the long haul. I was still able to laugh and talk between contractions and the mood was very lighthearted. I wasn’t in the tub long though before I began to feel overwhelmed. About every other contraction for a while, I informed Steve and Doulas that I really didn’t think I could do this anymore and then calmly gave instructions in between contractions. Steve ran off to find out if I could possibly be in transition already??? The midwife confirmed that yes, I really was so he came back excited with his mental timeframe for labor adjusted.

In what felt like no time at all I was fighting the urge to push. It was too early. I knew it was too early. After one particularly “pushy” contraction I opened my eyes and apologized and said “I’m so sorry, I just couldn’t help it”. Around this point time ceased to exist for me and although my ears heard the ridiculous comments being passed around like “Steph we are going to have a baby VERY soon!” the logical part of my brain was like “Yeah right…soon is sooo relative. Four to six hours from now is soon but I still don’t think I can make it that long” Very shortly after that a huge-massive-monumental contraction hit and in the course of the one contraction Caleb’s head was brought down from +1 station to being half delivered. What a time for a contraction to end. As it turns out he was sunny-side up and my labor support inform me that his eyes and nose made it out while the rest of him waited for me to get my act together and get him out of there. Thankfully a second massive contraction quickly followed on the first ones heels and he was out.

Mentally I was still so far checked out from the reality that I had just birthed a baby the Midwife had to tell me multiple times to pick him up out of the water. It was so surreal to scoop his little body up and hold it against mine and realize it was all over. He started working on breathing right away and gave a tiny indignant sob or two over how difficult the whole thing had been for him. After that he settled in and started trying to open his eyes and look around. I was absolutely elated. Steve and I cried as we admired the wee arrival.

Caleb and I right after birth

Caleb and I right after birth

It was right about 3 hours from the time my water broke until I held Caleb in my arms. The contractions seemed to just get more and more intense like a freight train coming, and the sequence of events surprised everyone. The nurse didn’t get called in time to make it and showed up about 20 minutes after the birth. I was only in the water for maybe an hour before it was all over. As hard and intense and painful as it was, it was no nice to be able to have mental, and physical reserves, and be able to bounce back and interact with everybody and my baby for hours after the birth – sore, but happy. Caleb stayed awake for about 4 hours after the birth, and seemed very content once he got warmed up. It was such a different experience than before where we all just wanted to crash ASAP including Noelle. :D

Caleb weighed in at a healthy 7 lbs. 8 oz. All of one ounce more than his sister. We are so thrilled. So grateful. Marveling at God’s goodness to our little family. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the prayers for this little mans safety over the past few months.

Caleb Joshua Tallent

Caleb Joshua Tallent

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Before Baby Pictures

I’ve been wanting to get a family maternity shoot for a while.  Unfortunately the timing + logistics with the photographers I know just haven’t worked out.  A good friend who also happens to be a fantastic photographer just moved into our town a couple of weeks ago. At 39 weeks pregnant and realizing that my days of pregnancy are quite literally numbered I asked him if he would be willing to do a last minute shoot with us as a family. He readily agreed and we headed out this past Sunday evening around 5 PM to see what pictures we could get before the sun set.

The first stop was a dirt road just behind our house. A pasture of cow’s found our presence entertaining especially since Steve and Doodlebug insisted on speaking to them in “cow” Did not realize before now bovines were capable of baffled looks but I’m here to assure you they are.

Noelle sweetly talking to Caleb as she often does…Telling him she was asking God to bring him to us soon and how excited she is to meet him.

Doodlebug talking to Caleb

Doodlebug talking to Caleb

Our time with this sweet girlie has been so special and I cannot wait to see her get to be a big sister.

Noelle at 4 years old and me at 39 weeks with Caleb

Noelle at 4 years old and me at 39 weeks with Caleb

Our second stop was a beautiful waterfall about 2 miles from our house.  Although gorgeous no doubt the location required this very pregnant woman to hike down a hill, pick my way over rocky stream brambles and perch on rocks. The end results were VERY worth it.

Asking Noelle if she was ready for Caleb. YES! =)

Asking Noelle if she was ready for Caleb. YES! =)

Perched on a rock as a family in front of the Falls. Love the Doodles hat. It's so *her*

Perched on a rock as a family in front of the Falls. Love the Doodles hat. It's so *her*

We got the required heart-hands-tummy shot by the falls. Steve’s love for our children is such a powerful thing. He is an amazing Dad in every way! Can’t wait for Caleb to meet his Daddy.

Steve and I by the falls

Steve and I by the falls

Steve’s love, support and care through this pregnancy has been amazing.

Me and my Man

Me and my Man

After we finished with our Falls shots we headed off to find a field. The County Fair Grounds was about a half a mile from the falls so we headed over there. Just across from the Fair Grounds was an over-grown field highlighted in a gorgeous sunset glow. This was *definitely* the place to stop to get our final shots! It was just the lighting our photographer was hoping to work with.

Noelle loves giving kisses to Caleb.

kisses for Caleb from Noelle

kisses for Caleb from Noelle

I love giving kisses to Noelle

I love giving kisses to Noelle

Getting thrown by her Daddy is a favorite workout for both of them.

Noelle and Steve playing Toss-the-kid in the field

Noelle and Steve playing Toss-the-kid in the field

When we went to get Caleb’s sonogram done at one point while Noelle was talking to him he waved. The tech snapped a picture of his little hand waving and labeled it “Hi Noelle!” It’s been Noelle’s special picture and message from Caleb ever since.

Caleb waves hi to Noelle in his sonogram picture

Caleb waves hi to Noelle in his sonogram picture

We are so excited to get to dress him in his wee baby clothes.

Holding a "Caleb" sleeper

Holding a "Caleb" sleeper

Now all we have to do is wait for him to join us. :)

Waiting on Caleb

Waiting on Caleb

So happy to have these picture memories of the last days before Calebs arrival. I’ll be even more excited when I can share pictures that include the little man in person!

 

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Apple Creamcheese Coffee Cake

We have a lot of apples. Apples that I have yet to turn into sauce, dried chips, canned apple pie filling or any number of other delicious options. They are being steadily munched on but not disappearing fast enough. For some reason every time I’ve passed the box of apples the past few days a craving for that baked apple flavor + cream cheese dances across my pregnancy addled brain.

So I started googling. Go-to move when I have a craving. Sooo many creative bloggers and brilliant chef’s and cooks out there freely sharing their inspired recipes. Nobody seemed to offer what I was looking for. Gluten Free. Apple and Creamcheese coffee cake type thing. What I did find called for ingredients I didn’t have or required way more work than I felt like doing.

When google fails me I pull out my favorite “unhealthy” cookbook of all time. The Ultimate Southern Living Cookbook. I found a recipe in there that had everything I wanted only it was for regular gluten laden flour and blueberries. That’s Ok. I’m fearless. I can adapt. And adapt I did with really scrumptious results.

Without further prefacing or disclaimers…

Apple-Cream cheese Gluten Free Coffee Cake

1/2 cup softened Butter

1 cup Sugar

2 Large Eggs

2 Teaspoons Vanilla

2 Cups Gluten Free Flour Mix

1 Teaspoon Baking Powder

1 Teaspoon finely ground Sea Salt

1 Cup Whole Milk

1 (8 ounce) package Cream Cheese softened and cubed

1 Large or 2 small Apples finely chopped

2 Teaspoon Cinnamon

1/2 Teaspoon Powdered Ginger

1/2 Cup (or less if your apples are more sweet than tart) large granule Raw Sugar

Crumb Topping

1 Cup Gluten Free Flour Mix

1 Cup Sugar

5 Tablespoons Butter

Sea Salt to taste

Caramel Topping Drizzle

1 Cup large Raw-unrefined Sugar

1/2 Cup Half and Half or Whole Cream

Instructions:

Pre-heat Oven to 375. Spray rectangle cake pan with Olive Oil or your favorite non-stick spray.

- Combine 1 Cup Gluten Free Flour Mixture and 5 tablespoons softened butter and mix well with a fork until nice and crumbly. Set aside.

- Beat 1/2 Cup of Butter at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy. Gradually add 1 Cup sugar beating well. Add eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition. Add Vanilla.

- Combine 2 cups flour, baking powder, and salt, stir well. Add flour mixture to butter mixture alternatively with milk beginning and ending with flour mixture. Mix at low speed after each addition until well blended.

-Mix Apples with Raw Sugar, Cinnamon and Ginger. Toss until well coated and set aside. Can add a splash or squeeze of lemon juice if so desired. Should have two cups of finely chopped Apple Mixture.

- Gently stir into cake batter with spoon or spatula apple mixture and chunks of cream cheese. Gently pour cake batter into pre-sprayed cake pan. Coat the top generously with crumb topping and slide into pre-heated oven. Bake for 50 minutes or until done. This is a very moist, bordering on gooey cake so don’t expect the crumb free test to work. You just want to bake it long enough to ensure the middle is actually baked and not dripping dough.

- While cake is baking mix Raw Sugar and Cream together in heavy sauce pan on stove top. Whisk Raw sugar rapidly until it is completely dissolved. Allow sugar and cream to bubble together with close supervision until past the soft ball stage. The goal is to make a pourable caramel that is slightly crunchy when cool.

- Pull cake out of oven and while still hot drizzle caramel mixture over top. Can poke holes in cake to allow caramel to drip through. Eat warm with coffee or wait until cool and eat with coffee. Or drink with a hot black tea. This cake was made to be consumed with a pleasurable beverage.

So sorry I only got one lousy picture. This picture was taken before the rest of the caramel was drizzled over the top, that was just round one for the caramel.

Guten Free Apple Caramel Cream Cheese Coffee Cake

Guten Free Apple Caramel Cream Cheese Coffee Cake

The cake was devoured before I had a chance to get better pictures. Hate that you can’t see the moist amazing inside with the heavenly chunks of cream cheese scattered around. You’ll have to take my word for it that they were there.  I plan on making this again and hopefully I’ll be quicker with the camera next time around. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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